Стремись достичь невозможного.
Magic pies
читать дальшеOne day Lord Voldemort decided to get all his Death Eaters together to discuss one of their main problems, namely how to get rid of Harry Potter. The Dark Lord has got the impression that some of his servants were not so faithful to him as he used to think. For example, Malfoy tried to get any chance to avoid their meetings, Dolohov got the wrong end of the stick and failed his task. Voldemort had to kill him so that everybody got the message. Snape was Dumbledore's spy, but he always got away with it, because the Dark Lord couldn't prove it. Bellatrix has been getting into cooking since her husband got into troubles with aurors and got caught. She brought some pies and cakes to her Lord and looked at him full of love and admiration while he was eating.
After two months Voldemort realized that he was putting on weight. But curiously enough it didn't get on his nerves. What's more, he started dreaming about getting older, getting new hair cut and marrying Bellatrix. He was ready to get behind with his plan to get the world conquered. Bella was a beautiful woman, who could kill people and cook. What more could one ask for?
So, the temptation was too great... But, nevertheless, he was Lord Voldemort, he managed to resist it and get his act together. He had a mission!
Voldemort pulled his shoulders back and said to himself: "Get a life, man! Forget about pies! Your Death Eaters are waiting for the most horrible dark wizard of all time!"
Colours
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That night Malfoy Manor was absolutely silent. Lord Voldemort, looking black, had locked himself in his room and put in black and white on the door: "Keep out, pathetic slaves!" Death Eaters seemed to be completely browned-off with their master's behavior and tried to make Lucius Malfoy talk to the Dark Lord. But he was too yellow-bellied to do it, so Dolohov decided to perform the mission. He returned in a minute, black and blue all over, and without pronouncing a word, fell flat on the red carpet, which was always rolled out before Voldemort's room.
-"He was our great white hope", - said Malfoy, becoming green around the gills.
True-blue Bellatrix burst into tears:
-"Oh, my poor sweet master! I'm in a blue funk about him: he has eaten nothing since the breakfast! I tried to make him brown-bag, but he refused... He must be so hungry!"
-"Stop painting a black picture of it", - Snape frowned. - " I remember, that he has already done such things out of the blue".
But Bellatrix didn't pay attention to him, although she always thought he was a black sheep, and all his words used to be like a red rag to her.
Meanwhile, Lord Voldemort, dressed in a green sweat suit, was doing push-ups. The thing was that the Dark Lord wanted to get in the pink after his second birth. When he saw young healthy good-looking men, he got green with envy. Of course, Bellatrix assured him that he was the most handsome man in the World, but he knew that it was a white lie.
So, Voldemort forbad anyone to enter his room, found the address of a magic running shop in the magic Yellow Pages and went there. A ticked-pink shop assistant became white as a sheet when he came as a bolt from the blue and asked a sweat suit. No doubt, the assistant would remember this red-letter day for the rest of his life.
Voldemort sneered with disdain and continued doing push-ups, dreaming about his beloved Bellatrix and dead Harry Potter. Both of them gave him strength.
читать дальшеOne day Lord Voldemort decided to get all his Death Eaters together to discuss one of their main problems, namely how to get rid of Harry Potter. The Dark Lord has got the impression that some of his servants were not so faithful to him as he used to think. For example, Malfoy tried to get any chance to avoid their meetings, Dolohov got the wrong end of the stick and failed his task. Voldemort had to kill him so that everybody got the message. Snape was Dumbledore's spy, but he always got away with it, because the Dark Lord couldn't prove it. Bellatrix has been getting into cooking since her husband got into troubles with aurors and got caught. She brought some pies and cakes to her Lord and looked at him full of love and admiration while he was eating.
After two months Voldemort realized that he was putting on weight. But curiously enough it didn't get on his nerves. What's more, he started dreaming about getting older, getting new hair cut and marrying Bellatrix. He was ready to get behind with his plan to get the world conquered. Bella was a beautiful woman, who could kill people and cook. What more could one ask for?
So, the temptation was too great... But, nevertheless, he was Lord Voldemort, he managed to resist it and get his act together. He had a mission!
Voldemort pulled his shoulders back and said to himself: "Get a life, man! Forget about pies! Your Death Eaters are waiting for the most horrible dark wizard of all time!"
Colours
читать дальше
That night Malfoy Manor was absolutely silent. Lord Voldemort, looking black, had locked himself in his room and put in black and white on the door: "Keep out, pathetic slaves!" Death Eaters seemed to be completely browned-off with their master's behavior and tried to make Lucius Malfoy talk to the Dark Lord. But he was too yellow-bellied to do it, so Dolohov decided to perform the mission. He returned in a minute, black and blue all over, and without pronouncing a word, fell flat on the red carpet, which was always rolled out before Voldemort's room.
-"He was our great white hope", - said Malfoy, becoming green around the gills.
True-blue Bellatrix burst into tears:
-"Oh, my poor sweet master! I'm in a blue funk about him: he has eaten nothing since the breakfast! I tried to make him brown-bag, but he refused... He must be so hungry!"
-"Stop painting a black picture of it", - Snape frowned. - " I remember, that he has already done such things out of the blue".
But Bellatrix didn't pay attention to him, although she always thought he was a black sheep, and all his words used to be like a red rag to her.
Meanwhile, Lord Voldemort, dressed in a green sweat suit, was doing push-ups. The thing was that the Dark Lord wanted to get in the pink after his second birth. When he saw young healthy good-looking men, he got green with envy. Of course, Bellatrix assured him that he was the most handsome man in the World, but he knew that it was a white lie.
So, Voldemort forbad anyone to enter his room, found the address of a magic running shop in the magic Yellow Pages and went there. A ticked-pink shop assistant became white as a sheet when he came as a bolt from the blue and asked a sweat suit. No doubt, the assistant would remember this red-letter day for the rest of his life.
Voldemort sneered with disdain and continued doing push-ups, dreaming about his beloved Bellatrix and dead Harry Potter. Both of them gave him strength.
@темы: юмор, английский
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